DEPRESIJA 101 (DEPRESSION 101)

Depresija je ena najpogostejših duševnih motenj, za njo boleha kar okoli 350 milijonov ljudi po vsem svetu. Po pogostosti jo premagajo le motnje prilagajanja ter s stresom povezane motnje, kar pomeni da je depresija velikanski problem v današnji družbi, saj je malodane vsakdo preživel številne depresivne epizode. Večina ljudi seveda le blage -  pojavijo se kot enkratne epizode, ki po ustreznem zdravljenju izzvenijo, lahko pa preidejo v kronično motnjo, ki se ponavlja.

Depresija je stanje stalne žalosti, odpora do aktivnosti ter aktivnega sodelovanja v družbi, ker vpliva na človekovo vedenje, občutke, mišljenje in zdravstveno stanje.
Bolezen spremljajo številni simptomi ali dodatni občutki, ki pridejo s njo, kot so pobitost, pesimizem, obupanost, pomanjkanje notranjih spodbud, nemirnost, strah, občutek krivde, razdražljivost in/ali praznost.
Ker veliko ljudi depresije ne razume in sprejema, ta ostane neprepoznana v kar 50% primerov, in v kar večini primerov se pojavi pri ženskah, pri njih je namreč kar 2x pogostejša.

   Do you know the story behind this picture? If you want to know feel free to ask me. 

Dejavniki:
Pri nastanku depresije sodeluje več dejavnikov, ki se med seboj prepletajo. Dejavniki so biološkega, psihološkega in eksogenetskega izvora.

Biološki dejavniki: 
a) dednost - depresija se pogosteje pojavi pri človeku, ki ima v sorodstvu depresivnega bolnika. Pri depresivnih bolnikih zboli 10-30% sorodnikov v prvem kolenu.
b) prenašalci živčnih impulzov - depresivne motnje, naj bi bile posledica pomanjkanja prenašalcev živčnih impulzov na enem ali več mestih v možganih.
c) endokrinološke motnje: depresije so pogostejše pri npr: Cushingovi bolezni, bolezni obščitničnih žlez.

Psihološki dejavniki:
Tukaj igrajo tukaj pomembno vlogo zgodnje otrokove izkušnje čustvenega prikrajšanja,  pridobljene v odnosu z materjo. Čustveno prikrajšanje pomeni pomanjkanje čustvene sprejetosti, pohval, spodbud, nestabilni in nepredvidljivi čustveni odnosi ali pa tudi čustvena nedostopnost staršev, zaradi česar ima otrok težave pri razvijanju občutka lastne vrednosti. Posledica je pomanjkanje samospoštovanja, nagnjenost k samorazvrednotenju, negativna samopodoba in negativno mnenje o svetu.

Eksogenetski dejavniki:
So snovi, zunanjega izvora, ki jih vnašamo v svoje telo, te snovi so večinoma razna zdravila, tudi taka, ki so namenjena zdravljenju drugih bolezni: antihipertenzivi, antipsihotiki, antihistaminiki, analgetiki, hormoni (kortikosteroidi).

Če so našteti dejavniki prisotni, to še ne pomeni, da se bo bolezen  pojavila, obstaja pa predisponiranost zanjo in se bo ob določenih sprožilnih dejavnikih lahko izrazila.

Razdelitev:
Depresijo uvrščamo med razpoloženjske motnje. Razvrstitev depresije, pri čemer pa je v sklopu le-teh odvisna od njene vloge pri maničnih razpoloženjskih motnjah in od pogostnosti pojavljanja.
Depresivna motnja je tako uvrščena v naslednje kategorije razpoloženjskih motenj:

Biopolarna efektivna motnja:
Tu se pojavlja na štiri različne načine:
a) trenutno blago ali zmerno depresivno epizodo
b) s hudo depresivno epizodo brez psihotičnih simptomov
c) s hudo depresivno epizodo s psihotičnimi simptomi
d) z istočasnim oziroma izmenjajočim se pojavljanjem depresivne in manične epizode

Depresivna epizoda:
Takrat, kadar se depresivnost pojavi prvič, simptomi in znaki pa trajajo najmanj 2 tedna. Epizoda je lahko blaga, zmerna ali huda.
Pri blagi epizodi so simptomi in znaki depresivnosti sicer moteči in neprijetni za pacienta, ne ovirajo pa njegovih vsakodnevnih dejavnosti.
Zmerna epizoda pomeni velike težave pacienta pri opravljanju vsakodnevnih obveznosti in dela.
Huda epizoda pomeni, da je depresivna slika  tako huda, da poleg nezmožnosti opravljanja dela, pacienta obremenjujejo občutki lastne ničvrednosti, ima pa tudi samomorilne misli.

Ponavljajoča se depresivna epizoda:
Motnja lahko traja tudi po več mesecev, vmesna izboljšanja pa so različno dolga.

Trajne razpoloženjske motnje:
Prisotne so v poteku vsega pacientovega življenja.

Ciklotimija:
Razpoloženje pri tej motnji niha od blage depresivnosti do stanja rahle privzdignjenosti.

Distimija:
Distimija je kronična razpoloženjska motnja, ki se kaže s prevladujočim slabim razpoloženjem, slabo voljo, pritoževanjem nad življenjem in nezadovoljstva. Vmes so mogoča tudi obdobja dokaj dobrega razpoloženja, ki pa hitro minejo. V to kategorijo uvrščamo tudi: depresivne nevroze, depresivne osebnostne motnje, nevrotske depresije in anksiozno depresivna stanja.


Čeprav večina depresivnih ljudi ni nagnjena k samomoru, pa je večina ljudi, ki naredi samomor, depresivnih. Namreč kar 10-15% bolnikov naredi samomor.

“Sometimes depression means ignoring every phone call for an entire month, because yes, they have the right number, but you’re not the person they’re looking for. Not anymore”.
xx

(for all non-slovenian readers: an english translation will come in the next couple of days)

YOU ARE A VICTIM OF YOUR OWN MIND

You know that feeling when you're doing something and out of the blue you realise that your whole existence is useless and that literally everything in your life is going wrong at this point?
You just feel that horrible pain that sets in your head. Your whole body is suddenly so exhausted that you couldn't possibly do anything else but cry, so you do exactly that. You cry so many tears that you could fill a whole lake, a lake full of pain, misery and crushed dreams, hoping that releasing  those feelings out would make you feel just a tiny bit better, but your pain doesn't lessen, no. Not even a bit. As if your current situation isn't sad enough your memory decides that now would be a perfect moment to point out every single embarassing moment and mistake you've ever done. It feels like your own brain would want to make you feel worse.

All this usually ends with you realising that you have no real friends, no love life what so ever, no special talents and that you're gaining only two things: weight and bad grades.
So you set some truly unrealistic goals for your future, like losing an absurd amount of weight and raising your grade in every single subject. You are now hundred percent commited to your 'genious' plan, but it's past midnight, so you promise yourself to start tomorrow morning.

And so the next day comes and you're not holding to your goals at all, and when the night comes again you're filled with regret and sadness, so you set your goals again.
Maybe even a bit higher..

You are basically trapped in a lovely little circle of sorrow, self-destruction and self-pity.

Congratulations, and good luck getting out of it.
xx

COMMON SENSE 101

  The fact that it's 2013 and we have to deal with these so called 'problems' saddens me deeply. Not so many decades ago people believed that by now we'll be living in this utopia, where a person can be accepted for who they really are, people are using planes instead of cars, the world lives in peace and there's plenty of robots, etc.. but no. We're still dealing with lack of basic necessities in the third world countries, racism, terrorism, homophobia, sexism, transphobia, war threats, global crisis.. and those are just a few examples. We like to think that we evolved in this great society that can deal with problems, but looking at the whole picture we really didn't. And guess what? We if we'll keep focusing on the things that should be basic common sense we never will.
  Thinking about common sense i decided to write a little something on the problem of degrading the female body and woman right of choice in general.


  First of all lets clear this out:

• A woman who has had many (sexual) partners is not a slut.
• A woman confident with her body image is not a slut.
• A woman branding herself as a sexual and intimate human being is not a slut.
• A woman taking nude pictures and posting them on the internet is not a slut.
• etc.

 You know why?
Because sluts don't exist, and the word itself is a meaningless nonsense. It's literally just a set of letters, originally used as a synonim to 'kitchen maid' in the fifteenth century, that people use in attempt to degrade and undermine other people based on their own prejustices and disapproval with other peoples life choices. So there's really nothing wrong with being called a 'slut', if you ignore its negative connotation.
It's really disgusting how some people feel like their in the position to decide on if a woman should be ashamed of her actions / desires.


  Second of all:

A naked body is not immoral, sinful, dirty, pornographic or wrong. Any of those ideas come from sexualizing bodies and the idea of confidence and sex being a bad thing. Woman taking nude pictures are not seeking attention, they don't have ''daddy issues'' and are not unintelligent.
The problem is not with them, it's with your attitude towards them.

If you think that taking naked pictures or exposing your body in any other way:

• Says anything about that persons personality, mind or soul.
• Justifies hate, sexual messages or any other kind of harrasment.
• Says that they don't back up feminism.
• Makes them less of a person.
• Equates to a lack of self-respect.
• Says anything about that persons sexual activity.

You are horrificaly wrong and need to rethink some things..

Why are you so offended by and afraid of your own anatomy?

  There has been said so many things about this topic lately, that I simply can't avoid it. This 'outrageous' topic is abortion.
People are mostly standing on two sides, you're either: a) pro-life or b) pro-choice.
Pro-lifers claim that a fetus is a human being that deserves a chance to live and their arguments are mostly a result of religion, specifically christianity. Most people in this group are deeply religious christians or (white) male who'll never get pregnant, or both.
Pro-choicers claim that every woman should have the choice to decide on what's best for her.
Lets take a look  this particular situation:

I really hope you have at least one problem with this gif.

 For the bare start it's interesting how he calls the baby 'his' and not 'their'. Which person willing to start a family life with kids would ever say that? The child would be as much hers as it is his, so his inability to be a parent kind of already shows here.
 There's no way he was prepared to support a family as a 14 year old teenager with no real money income, which means he's drop all the responsability on his parents, who'd have to, at least, financially support the child.
 If he deliberately made her pregnant, which i assume from the fact that he obvioulsy didn't use any protection and was so upset by the fact that she had an abortion, wouldn't it make far more sense if he could just tell her that before they had sex?
So basicly he had sex with a 13 year old girl and that action, deliberately or not, had a result in pregnancy, which she was not prepared for and had an abortion.. and now he's attacking her for not giving up her teenage years raising up a baby, even if it's obvious that the circumstances were clearly not fit to raise a child.

Now saying that there's a possibility to the theory of a fetus being a human being.. Why is it's life more important than other lifes?
Why does it have more of a right to live than the girl? You can say that:
 Oh, but the girl didnt die.. Yeah, but i'm pretty sure that she's doing much much better than she would if she had the baby.
 Or you can say: Oh, but the baby could bring a lot of good in this world, it could be the new Albert Einstein!.. Yeah, or it could be the new Charles Manson. The amount of chances for both of that is the same.

I just can't understand how can someone say that abortion equals murder.
We remove our tonsils and appendices, we masturbate and do body peelings, and in all those actions human cells are removed from the body, so why is not that considered murder? Because every reasonable human know that those cells don't equal a human being.. So what's so different about a fetus?
It's not a human being. It has no conscience, memory or feelings. It's a pile of cells.

Please don't understand what I'm saying as: Everyone should have an abortion. That's not the case. I'm simply saying that I'd rather see someone have an abortion than have a child growing up in a bad enviroment, an enviroment where he's clearly unwanted.

Isn't it funny how some people care so much about what other human being do with their body?
Let them decide what's best for them.. You know how much you hate when other people are forcing you into something you don't want to be doing. Don't be that person.

It makes me sick that I even have to talk about this, but guys: NO.. MEANS NO.
It doesn't mean maybe, I'm not sure, I really want it but i'm afraid to say it.. or anything like that. There's no excuse for rape.
Stuff like:

• She was wearing revealing clothes, so she was asking for it.
• She's passed out, so she won't mind.
• We were on the (insert number) date, so she has to do it.
• She started kissing me, so she wanted it.
  People change their minds, you know? If someone was about to kill themselves, but would suddenly change their mind would you go there with a knife and kill them?
  
  These ''excuses'' are ridiculous. Total bullshit if you ask me. 

It's your problem you sexualize woman body, not hers for showing it. She could be walking around naked, covered only in whipped cream and chocolate and you still wouldn't have the right to do it.
You're not a fucking neanderthal, so don't act like one.
No means no.

So these are my views on these topics. Feel free to comment and tell me your opinions.
xx

IT GETS BETTER?

When I ask people how the feel about my blog, there's a question that quite often repeats itself:
Why don't you write something a little more positive?
Something with an happy ending, you know..?

Honestly.. I don't know.

It's quite obvious that I wasn't on an exactly happy place when I started writing my blog. To be exact it all started when my friend, who saw how i was feeling, suggested me to express myself, in any way posible, so I found my temporary peace in writing things on my phone late at night when i couldn't sleep.
But after some time that technique started to lose it's power, I started to feel worse again and I couldn't write anymore so I had to take a break from my blog. I'm able to write again, so I guess I'm feeling better now.
At that time I felt like that was normal, but from this point at which I am right now looking back I can honestly say that it wasn't. That it's not normal for a person to start crying almost every two hours, to feel so alone, to wish death so badly or to search for answers in self-harming.
No, I'm not willing to seek help. I want to go through this on my own, find the light all by myself, because only then I will be able to really help others with problems like mine. This is totally my personal decision and I would not recomend it to anyone else.
In the main time I'm going to continue to write stuff because I do that to make people understand and to show things from different angles, so you can see about problems (usually) also through the eyes of the victim and not only as an external observer. To achieve that I promised to myself that I'm only going to write about my experiences, view and emotions and if I'm writing about something that's not that personal I make sure that I only do that after a lot of research. And doing that brings me some sort of joy, because I think it's making a change. I might not be the leader of this generation or the savior of the world, but if I make one person think twice about their beliefs or teach them something new about mental disorders, I feel like I have done something good, a small difference.

So what I'm trying to say here is that I don't know how to write an happy ending, because I forgot how that feels. But after so much time I can finally say that I'm on the way to discover that. I hope.

Before I finish this I just really wanted to tell you one of the most over-used phrases of our time: It gets better. Maybe slowly, but it does.

Oh, and if anyone of you ever finds himself in the things that I post or just simply wants to talk to someone that understands (or at least tries to understand) what you're going through, you can always talk to me.
You can be sure that I'll take my time for you.

I might be cluelessly running down a dark hallway, not knowing where i'm heading or for how long i might still have to run, but the memory of the light still keeps me gasping for air and wanting to continue the journey.

xx

BETWEEN IMAGINATION AND HALLUCINATION.

                                                                                             She was laying in her bed.
Sleep was escaping her again, as her thoughts were unstoppably rushing through her head. Hours that were running by really fast. She thought that she was laying there for only like twenty minutes, but the clock showing the sad truth.. It was 4 hours since she went to bed, but sleep wasn't any closer. She turned around, closed her eyes and wished that she would finally go to sleep..
Suddenly she felt like someone is watching her. She was scared, but something inside her made her turn around anyway. It was some weird sort of deadly curiosity that she always had.
He was standing there with a knife in his hand. A big smile was spreading across his scarred face. It wasn't one of those friendly smiles, far from that. It was a smile of a hunter that had his victim in a trap. A crazy psychotic smile. When she looked at him she naturally got scared. That made his smile even bigger. He fed with fear, it was the reason that he loved his murderous hobby so much.
Unfortunately for him, she wasn't scared anymore. She wasn't afraid of death, quite the opposite, she was looking forward to it. I mean, she wanted to die, and if he killed her that would just make her job way easier. With that act, he would save all her problem and made her free.. No more constant misery, no more fake friends and even faker smiles, no more parents acting that they care, no random rude strangers, no more social anxiety. The world would be better without her and she accepted it.
The expression on his face turned into confusion. Where would be the point in killing her.. if that was actually her wish? He wouldn't get any fear from her, which makes this all simply pointless. In absolute disapointment he slashed with the knife, still determined to kill her.
A peaceful smile spread all over her face. She was ready to go.
But just a moment before the knife would tuch her chest the phantasm disappeared as suddenly as he appeared.

Nightmares no longer wait for sleep.
xx

JUST A PRECIOUS LITTLE SNOWFLAKE.

She really really wanted to be special.

It wasn't like she had a special reason for it, but everything inside her was kind of going towards it. She hated stuff that were supposed to be cool, before she even knew about them.. and when she got to know them she despised them. Without an exception. It was just that she lived in the belief that if something is popular is already ruined. She believed that our society is ruined, so it logically likes only that stuff that is ruined.
She cherished everything that was old. To be completely honest it really looked like she was born 50 years to late. The 60s and the 70s were the times where her mentality got stuck. If you asked her she would never admit it. She would just reply with an answer that her taste isn't vintage, but exquisite.
Her passion was art. It made her think, discover the secrets of human nature and more importantly.. it made her feel again.
Her reactions, ideas and thoughts were often pretty extravagant.
But there was a small problem.. She wasn't sure anymore if she was always special or she chose to become that. You know, on one hand she hated being a freak, but on the other hand her biggest fear was to be normal or boring. She was a living paradox.
The only bad thing about being special is that nobody gets you.. at least not really. It wasn't that she didn't have friends. She actually had quite a lot of them and a few really good ones that she trusted, but her soul was lonely. Form the start she tried to explain them her views on the world and interest, but after time she just gave up. They just weren't like her and they didn't understand her. She was sadly far more complicated and she accepted that they aren't like her. At least not really.
Until..
She met that person. That special human being that she agreed with just perfectly. ..and made her feel again. ..and made her believe in humanity again.
Would it be posible that the 'freak' is finally in love for the first time? Or more importantly.. Is she really capable to feel happiness?
We'll see.

I'm probably just another fucked up teenage girl.
xx

TWO SPIRITS IN ONE BODY

Yesterday i watched a romantic drama based on a true story. Yeah, it's quite shocking, because if you know me, you are aware of the fact that i'm pretty much heartless when it comes to romance and i'm far from being easily impressed.. but this one really amazed me.
You know that feeling when you're watching a movie and something tragic happens and your heart literally breaks? You can't talk, you can't breathe.. and all you can do is hug your teddy bear and cry, cry without stopping.
I watched the movie three days ago and only thinking and writing about it now almost brings tears into my eyes..

It was talking about a private that just came into a new base - The 101st Airborne Division. His training was really hard, like it's for everyone who's new. He made friends quickly and was soon nominated for the 'Soldier of the month'. Once he and his friends had a day off and decided to go in a bar with transsexual performers. Long story short.. He fell in love with one of the performers, a girl called Calpernia Addams.

I was mostly amazed by the performer. She had this special charm that's really rarely seen. Everything about her was so natural, so beautiful, so gentle and especially.. so elegant and pure. I couldn't agree more with how he described her: She's a lady. In my opinion, the actor that played her deserves at least an Oscar for this role. He did an outstanding job.

I don't want to make this whole post just about the movie, so i decided to talk a little bit about transvestites and transgendered people. 
No, those terms don't mean the same thing:

The word transvestite comes from Latin trans-, "across, over" and aria, "dressed". That means that tranvestites are people who like to dress into clothes of oposite sex. They don't have the feeling that they're in the wrong body, just for some reason they prefer clothes that are meant for oposite sex. 

Transgendered people are those whose gender identity is incongrous with their physical body, or who have undergone an operation to make their gender identity and physical body the same. They are people who were born female but identify as male, or were born male but identify as female.

Both, transgender people and transvestites, may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual; some may even consider conventional sexual orientation labels inadequate or inapplicable to them, but transgender people may also identify as bigender or agender.
These two groups should not be mixed or confused with other groups, like drag kings and queens, adrogynes and genderqueers.

Transgender people are a part of the LGBT community, but they also have their own symbols: The transgender pride falg, a butterfly and pink/light blue yin yang symbol.

The name of the movie is Soldier's girl if anyone of you would have the wish to watch this piece of art.

Does that make me a freak if i'm in love with a freak?
xx