Now she's just an object, an unemotional robot that she used to be a while ago. You know, she liked that, becuase in this state of her mind nobody could possibly hurt her. All the insults that she ever heard were constantly repeating in her head. To be honest it all looked like some strange way of sadomazohizm.
When did she became like that? How could she take such a huge step back from living life fully to barely even keeping up? It was an absolute irony.
She stopped living, and in this point she was only surviving. Trying to fit and faking pretty smiles was a thing that she did on daily bases and without a shame.
The terrible loneliness, that disapered from her life for more than a month, weirdly slipped back in her again. With no warning at all her world was filled with darkness and pessimistic thoughts.
So many things and people used to inspire her, but not anymore.. She lost her sight for beauty in things just like that. Those periods always made her wonder in her artistic dreams, I mean, she couldn't be an artist if her touch for it could got lost just like that. Without it she was nothing.
The only thing that she didn't like it back then was the lack of sleep. She couldn't and couldn't stop thinking. Her thoughts were jumping from topic to topic for hours and she couldn't stop them. She was just lying in bed for whole nights thinking about all the world problems, memories and other simple things that came into her head without a warning.
Why was her world sometimes so white and other times completly black?
It wasn't that her emotions changed from day to day, no. They came and stayed for whole periods of time, at least three weeks.
She never asked for this, and she was far from wanting it. Her life was a bitter-sweet symphony which end was far from near.
If there is a god, he was full of irony and sarcasm while creating her.. This was the only possible explanation.
..She's the black rainbow.
xx
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