Words.. just words. Are they really just that?
If you say yes, i guess you have never been bullied..
Congratulations on being a lucky exception.
Sadly far to many teenagers are bullied every day. Bullying is not just a phisical act, when a person kicks or physicaly hurts you. It's mostly mental, when a person insults you and slowly destroys your self-esteem, that's why this is the worst kind of it. Why? Because words hurt, even if you say that they don't and that you don't care.. You do care. Maybe far less then others, but you do.
The things they tell you get stuck in your head. You start to think about them more and more frequently. Slowly it becomes all you can think about. It starts with a simple wondering if they're right and.. never ends. That small piece of doubt is in you and not even thousands of compliments could make you feel better about yourself.
Imagine hearing stuff like that every single day. Every single freaking day. It can really make you go insane. You start to think everybody is quietly judging you and is laughing at you.. so you stop to comunicate with people, because you think nobody could possibly ever understand you. That causes you to lose your friends. But you don't care if you don't have any, you are better on your own. You get used to the loneliness. It becomes your new best friend. The thing that makes you crazy the most are the looks. You can feel them staring at you. You can feel them burning you with their eyes. Their looks bring you actual phisical pain.. You start to avoid eye contact. When you are in a group of people you get nervous and have panic attacks.. especially if you are in the centre of attention.
Some days you feel a little better and think you look quite decent and that people kind of give a damn that you're there, but mostly you feel worthless, a waste of oxygen. You think that probably anyone wouldn't notice if you just.. disappeared.
There are only two options for you: To try as hard as you can to fit in in our societies definition of 'normal', which, because of your incapability to appropriately judge, makes you stand out even more or just stop trying and show some real side of you, but that makes you automaticly stand out. You are lost in a never ending circle.
At some point of your life you have to start accepting yourself. The sooner you do, the better for you.You have to accept your little mistakes and flaws, because in the end those are the things that make you - you.
This is probably one of the very rare times I will tell you to be a little egoistic: What exactly do you get from bullying?
It definetly doesn't make you a better person, it doesn't make you any smarter, not any more popular, your self-esteem isn't any better and you are in a huge trouble if the person finds out you're the anonymous writer. To think about it.. You get absolutely nothing from it. So really: What's the point of it?
The other time i was scrolling on Tumblr and found this story. I feel like everyone should read it:
I get paranoid sometimes and i'm convinced everyone hates me. My therapist says I have social anxiety.. I think I'm just smart enough to know the face of human nature is so horrifyingly ugly.
xx
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