PARANOIA.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.
That was the only word going through her mind. It was 3 am and she still couldn't sleep. She turned around and fixed her hair. It was getting closer.. She felt it. This time it was coming to get her.
Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.
..Why her?
She noticed a tiny spot on the wall in front of her, so she got closer to see what it was. Weirdly, the spot was getting bigger, she said it looked like it was growing. She carefully touched it. The pain that went trough her body was undefinable. She felt like her body died, so she couldn't move, but she could still see how she got sucked in the huge hole in the wall.
..That's it. The time has arrived and the journey begins..

***
She quickly opened her eyes. It was pounding in her head, so she got up really slowly. Where is she? She looked around and found out that she was in an empty snowy street. Cold chills were running through her body, so she closed her eyes. She wished with all her heart that she would be in a different place right now, anywhere but here. Anywhere. Suddenly, she heard a noise that was coming from somewhere very near. She turned around. The sound was coming from a dumpster. There was a a weird clowns face looking at her. She could only see his face, because it looked like he was trying to stay unnoticed. There was blood dripping down his mouth, like he just ate something that used to be alive. He looked at her with the most frightened eyes, she has ever saw. He silently whispered: ''Go away, you freak. You are the freakiest freak of them all. A twisted unnatural beast.. You deserve to be caught.'' After that he hid again in the garbage. What did he mean?
Darkness surrounded her..

***
There was a shining bright light that was coming closer and closer. After a few seconds she was able to notice shapes. It looked like she was on a circus carnival. She heard people laughing and talking.. oh, so many voices. She was standing bare feet on the ground as people were passing by. Unexpectedly a little boy stopped in front of her. He was looking at her with his deep blue eyes like he wanted to remember every single detail about her face for the rest of his life. The longer he looked, the more she felt uncomfortable, so she turned around. In that moment he started crying and screaming: ''You don't belong here. This isn't your world. You are one of its victims. You lost most of yourself and tonight you will lose the rest. Go away..'' She didn't know what to answer on this allegations. What do they have against her? She started panickly look around for an escape. Then she noticed something that she didn't before.. All the people had clown painted faces and they weren't talking at each other, they were pointing fingers at her and laughing. Their laugh was loud and agressive. She felt such agony that she passed out.

***
She was in a long bright white hall. Something was wrong here. There was so much tension in the air. She knew it was here and it was very close. She panicked and started running.. running away. The lights behind her started to shut down one after another. She knew that no matter how fast she would run, she wouldn't be able to run away. Darkness was coming closer and closer, until it swallowed her.. They got her.

***

She woke up.. and this time at home. A sound of relief came out of her mouth. Finally she's save. She got up to make some tea. As she was boiling the water, she started to think about the past night.. but there was something wrong with her thoughts. The memories in her head weren't as sharp as they should be. Her mind was processing like crazy. Were her dreams really just dreams? She felt like she had so many chances, so many options, but none of them was made by her. She wasn't free, more than that.. her mind was controlled.
She walked back to her bedroom to drink the tea. When she was drinking she remembered that  she has an appointment today. Her first session with a psychologist. She was really not looking forward to it, but she was running a bit late, so she had to drink her tea a little faster then she planned to. When she was getting  ready the only thing she was thinking about was, what will the psychologist say. Will he think that she's crazy?
She went outside and walked to the bus stop with her headphones in. The sound of her favourite band was the only thing that never failed to make her happy. As she was walking down the street, she had this weird feeling that someone is following her. She kept turning around, but she didn't see anyone. She thought it was probably just a stupid suspicion.
In ten minutes she was already in the waiting room preparing to get in. She took a moment to breathe, so she wouldn't be so nervous and then she stepped in the room. Her psychologist was just writing something, so he told her to just sit down and talk about her feelings. She went to the black sofa, sat down and started to talk about her last nights nightmare. When she almost finished with the description, he stopped writing and looked up..
..and he had a clown painted face..

I'm not alone; I still have my demons and my demons have me.
xx